The 354,234,178th Post on Lollapalooza

The Lolla line up is out* and I have mixed feelings about it. See, I’ve seen or plan to see in the coming weeks artists like: Damian “Jr Gong” Marley, Smith Westerns, Best Coast, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Cults, Titus Andronicus, Mayer Hawthorne & the County, Maps & Atlases, Tennis, Ximena Sarinana, Lia Ices, Pretty Lights, Jay Electronica and Daedulus. But I’m excited for Foo Fighters, Eminem, Lykke Li, The Kills, The Mountain Goats, Death From Above 1979, and Julie Easterling. Like I said – mixed response to the lineup.

But I bought my ticket early and look forward to this year’s fest because for me, Lolla is about attending with friends and checking out artists I might not be able to see due to the fest’s ridiculous exclusivity clause, sold out shows or other previously scheduled engagements. So while I might be annoyed that I’ve already seen a good number of artists on the lineup, I’m excited to see those whose shows I’ve missed and hanging out with my besties in what will probably be another insufferably hot August weekend. Once again, I’ll fill my backpack with Imodium, toilet paper, sunscreen, cameras and baby wipes and I’ll see you kids in line for the lobster corndogs at Graham Elliot’s food stand (scratch that – I’ll be FUPA huntin’ with The Naughty Librarian, La Blue Eyes and Wendy from KC. You’ve been put on notice).

*I won’t post the full line up because at this point why bother – it’s EVERYWHERE. Google that bitch if you really want to see all the names.

Hey All You Weirdos…

Meet La Blue Eyes. She’s a fun good time chick and also my comadre so behave yourselves around her. She’s got something to say to all you weirdos who attend festivals but this could just as easily apply to anyone at any venue where live music is being performed/heard. So listen up cuz she will cut you!

First of all, leave your kids at home.  I’m sure your two year old would rather listen to Vampire Weekend than watch an episode of Barney, but the 10,000 people around you would rather watch the show than listen to your kid whining about wanting juice and a cookie.  Yes the babies look cute with their protective headphones on, but if you can afford a ticket to Lollapalooza – get a freaking babysitter!!

Next, have some common sense (and respect)!  If you’re walking in a large crowd, don’t suddenly stop.  Move your way off the beaten path and do your business there (this goes ten-fold for you stroller people).  While I’m on the common sense theme how about you save your personal conversations for after the set ends?  I paid just as much money as you did for the show, and I don’t want to hear about your uncle’s second cousins baby daddy drama.  I want to listen to the show.  So, SHUT THE HELL UP!  If you want to chitty chat, go to the bar or food area.

Don’t even get me started about putting people on shoulders.  If your 4’9” girlfriend can’t see the stage, have her look at the 50’ wide screen clearly visible to everyone else.   All that does is annoy everyone around you and has them secretly hoping your drunk and swaying girlfriend falls on her ass.  Suggestion: get to the area early and stake out a close spot…it’s amazing what thinking ahead can do.

Bathroom (port-a-potty) etiquette is another sore point with me.  Don’t try acting cute and talking to people in the front of the line to sneak in, and then act surprised when people call you out on it.  Get in the back of line and wait just like the rest of us! Remember how bad you had to go and the person in the john took forever…remember that while you’re in there.  Do your business as fast as humanly possible and get the hell out!  People have to go dammit!!

Lastly, everyone else is there to have a good time.  If you’re in a bad mood then save it for after the show or suck it up.  Don’t bring your doom and gloom on me.

Peace, Love and Music.

La Blue Eyes